15 days of strict bed rest at home plus 21 days of hospital bed rest equals 36 days of bed rest. Never in my life did I think I would ever spend this long in a hospital room. I will confess, this third week of Hospital Bed Rest has been the most difficult one yet. This experience is testing me mentally, physically, and spiritually. I can honestly say I've never been through anything close to this and I don't wish it on anyone else.I often think about the other 19 girls in our high risk unit. I know there are several that have been here as long as I have and will also be here until their baby or babies come. My heartbreaks for the other girls and I pray for them everyday. The nurses have told me that many of the girls battle with depression. They will refuse to shower or open the curtains during the day and choose to sleep and cry most of the day away. It made me sad to think that there are several women in the unit that have other children at home that had a much worse week than me because they missed their child's first day of school and could only wish them luck over FaceTime or Skype. All of us are missing birthday parties, events, and family time. Thankfully, I am well enough to take showers (I have to sit down) and have my wheel chair time around the hospital. Some of the other girls are not even allowed to get up to shower and have to be sponge bathed by a nurse everyday.It would be so nice if they would let us visit with other girls in the unit that are going through the exact same thing as me. Truthfully, it always feels like no one else understands. It's given me a heart to someday visit and minister to other women that have to go through this same experience.The nurses have all become my friends. Many of them I will miss when this is all over. They are beautiful women inside and out. I've been here long enough that they can tell when I'm having a "down" day. They come into my room more often and try to make conversation or to make me smile. I'm thankful that they are all passionate about their jobs.I'm told often by the nurses that I'm the most positive girl in the unit and visitors always seem shocked to come in and see me with a smile. I have to give credit to Jesus Christ because He gives me comfort and helps me to stay positive when I want to cry all day. He is truly the only one that understands. It also helps that I have a wonderful support system.
This week was harder because I had a terrible stomach virus for four days. Sickest I've felt in years. I was also told no visitors until everything passed. I was given an IV to help strengthen me and give the baby nutrients. On Wednesday, I slowly started to feel more like myself. My sweet husband got off early and when I walked out of the bathroom I found him sitting in my room with beautiful red roses, fresh lilies, and a chocolate frosty. I love that he always knows exactly what to do to brighten my day. On Thursday and Friday I was still struggling to bounce back. I found myself extremely homesick and emotional. Sometimes crying feels so good and actually helps bring my blood pressure back down. My momma came to spend two days with me. Something about a momma coming around makes everything better. She is my lifesaver. The hardest part of all of this is being away from my husband at night. I knew I loved Anthony before this but now I know without a doubt that I could never live without him. He knew I was homesick so last night he snuck in a blowup mattress so that we could sleep next to one another. I fell asleep with a huge smile on my face. It was such a fun sleepover. I am now just over 31 weeks pregnant. This is HUGE since my doctor wasn't sure if we would make it this far two weeks ago. We are 36 days away from reaching our ultimate goal of 36 weeks! Raylon now weighs 3lbs 15oz and the high risk doctor says he looks perfect & healthy. I truly feel like we are going to surprise the doctors and make it even further. I would love to make it to 38 weeks if at all possible.
Although this week was tough it was still another week down. I can't even put into words the love I have for this baby boy. I've never wanted anything so badly in life. I feel a connection with him stronger than I ever imagined and its what helps push me to the next day. The thought that I will love him even more the day I finally hold him blows my mind. He will probably never understand the sacrifice his momma made for him. Because of him I have learned to be selfless.
Momma loves you so much Raylon Wayne Rees!